


In Which 12 Suspiciously Familiar Trolls Behave in Amusing Non Canon Ways

by jadedResearcher



Series: SBURBSimFics [1]
Category: Homestuck, Sburbsim - Fandom
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-14
Updated: 2017-06-15
Packaged: 2018-11-13 21:14:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11193561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadedResearcher/pseuds/jadedResearcher
Summary: The 612 easter egg from the SBURBSim current as of 6/12/17.





	1. In Which The Leader Is Too Busy Giving Great Relationship Advice (While Being Dead After a Tragic Betryal) To Perform Ectobiology. No Relationships Are Established, And Everyone Fails To Ignore The Page's Outfit.

Session: 612 [A young troll stands next to a click horizon. Though it was six solar sweeps ago that he was given life, it is only today that he will click it.](http://www.farragofiction.com/SBURBSim/index2.html?seed=612)  
[](https://www.patreon.com/user?u=6476827)

  
The Knight of Blood enters the game first. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Speed Beast pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Romance and Leadership. Their chat handle is carcinoGeneticist. They are definitely the leader. They appear to be destined for greatness. They have aaaaaaaall the luck. All of it. They boggle vacantly at the Land of Pulse and Haze. They are Ambivalent with the Rogue of Heart. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Speed Beast. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Speed Beast.  


  
The Seer of Mind enters the game second. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Kitten pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Justice and Live Action Roleplaying. Their chat handle is gallowsCalibrator. They appear to be destined for greatness. They ogle at the Land of Thought and Flow. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Kitten. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Kitten.  


  
The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, making the various bullshit rules of SBURB part of their personal mythos. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  
The Bard of Rage enters the game third. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Pit Bull pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Clowns and Religion. Their chat handle is terminallyCapricious. They glare with bafflement at the Land of Mirth and Tents. They are Totally In Love with the Page of Breath. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Pit Bull. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Pit Bull.  


  
The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, collaborating with the exiled future carapacians to manipulate Prospit and Derse according to how its supposed to go. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  
The Heir of Void enters the game fourth. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Chinchilla pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Racism and Weight Lifting. Their chat handle is centaursTesticle. They stare blankly at the Land of Caves and Silence. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Chinchilla. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Chinchilla.  


  
The Bard of Rage is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Bard of Rage vandalizes various Dersite public hotspots. Fuck the Authority Regulators! The Bard of Rage somehow got a hold of 413 helium balloon and has had them tied to their neck this whole time.

  
The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, making the various bullshit rules of SBURB part of their personal mythos. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time enters the game fifth. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Pigeon pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Archaeology and Death. Their chat handle is apocalypseArisen. They appear to be destined for greatness. They are very confused by the Land of Quartz and Melody. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Pigeon. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Pigeon.  


  
The RoboMaid of Time is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. You are definitely blaming the Bard of Rage, somehow.  The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The RoboMaid of Time vandalizes various Dersite public hotspots. Fuck the Authority Regulators! The RoboMaid of Time is all up and laughing the whole time.

  
The Heir of Void and the Bard of Rage do quests in the Land of Caves and Silence, playing a hilariously fun boxing minigame. The Bard of Rage spends a great deal of time shit talking about the other players. Chinchillasprite remains physically adorable and mentally idiotic. Gigglysnort hideytalk ahoy. The Bard of Rage does quests in the Land of Mirth and Tents, baiting various enemies into traps for an easy victory. Pit Bullsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Seer of Mind does quests at LOTAF, presiding over increasingly hard consort court cases, punishing the guilty and pardoning the innocent. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  
The Rogue of Heart enters the game sixth. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Librarian pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Role Playing and Romance. Their chat handle is arsenicCatnip. They run around excitedly in the Land of Little Cubes and Tea. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Librarian. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Librarian.  


  
The Bard of Rage is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. Everybody seems to be pretty pissed at them, though.  The Bard of Rage might actually be sleep walking.

  
The RoboMaid of Time does quests in the Land of Quartz and Melody, doing the consorts' menial errands, like delivering an item to a dude standing RIGHT FUCKING THERE. Pigeonsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Seer of Mind does quests at LOTAF, presiding over increasingly hard consort court cases, punishing the guilty and pardoning the innocent. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, getting really fucking sick of Beats and exploring ruins. 

  


The RoboMaid of Time skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: GRITTY MIDGET and earns 803 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  
The Page of Breath enters the game seventh. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Werewolf pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Faeries and Animals. Their chat handle is adiosToreador. They appear to be destined for greatness. They grin excitedly at the Land of Sand and Zephyr. They are Totally In Love with the Heir of Void. They are Totally In Love with the Rogue of Heart. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Werewolf. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Werewolf.  


  


  
The Bard of Rage is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

 

The Seer of Mind (233 hp, 50 power) initiates a strife with the Janus Minion. Kittensprite (50 hp, 20 power) joins them!  


The Seer of Mind (233 hp, 50 power) targets the Janus Minion (50 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Janus Minion (0 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Janus Minion is dead.

  
The RoboMaid of Time does quests at LOQAM, protecting various consorts with game powers. Pigeonsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, exploring ruins and killing underlings. 

  


The Seer of Mind skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: GRITTY MIDGET and earns 827 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  
The Thief of Light enters the game eighth. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Doll pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Treasure and Live Action Roleplaying. Their chat handle is arachnidsGrip. They appear to be destined for greatness. They have an insurmountable stockpile of TERRIBLE LUCK. They stare at the Land of Maps and Treasure with unrestrained curiosity. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Doll. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Doll.  


  
The Rogue of Heart is just minding their own business when they are approached by an adorable little Dersite. The Dersite introduces himself as a Warweary Villein hoping to recruit a Champion. He wishes to end this stupid war, caused by the excesses of the Monarchy. The Warweary Villein just hates the Monarchy. They are petty, bossy tyrants and are really full of themselves and are basically awful in every way. The Rogue of Heart can't help but be persuaded by the adorable rant. Look at the little guy's clenched fists! A plan is hatched to exile the Queen, and the Dersite promises an army to help fight the King. 

  
The Thief of Light smuggles contraband forbidden by the Black Queen. Like ice cream. And frogs. The Black Queen’s trade edicts don’t really make much sense. 

  
At this point, the various prototypings from 8 players, especially the Werewolf, have made the enemies far too powerful. Further prototypings will only serve to further strengthen the enemies. 

  


  
The Heir of Void is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
The Bard of Rage is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Bard of Rage spreads disparaging rumours concerning the Black Queen. The Bard of Rage somehow got a hold of 413 helium balloon and has had them tied to their neck this whole time.

  
The Page of Breath and the Seer of Mind do quests in the Land of Sand and Zephyr, putting out fires in consort villages through serendipitous gales of wind. The Seer of Mind delights in rubbing how much better they are at the game in the face of the Page of Breath. Werewolfsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The RoboMaid of Time does quests at LOQAM, repairing various ways the session has been broken. Pigeonsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, collaborating with the exiled future carapacians to manipulate Prospit and Derse according to how its supposed to go. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, killing underlings and learning about the lore. 

  


The Seer of Mind skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: ANKLEBITER and earns 907 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The RoboMaid of Time skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NERDY NOODLER and earns 847 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Rogue of Heart skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: CHAMP-FRY and earns 713 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Page of Breath skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BRITCHES RIPPER and earns 763 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  
The Sylph of Space enters the game ninth. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Salamander pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Vampires and Fashion. Their chat handle is grimAuxiliatrix. They appear to be destined for greatness. They do not even understand the Land of Rays and Frogs. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Salamander. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Salamander.  


  
WV gets distracted freaking out about car safety. 

  
The Queen, with her RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD would take on the attributes of each prototyping. She would become part Speed Beast, part Kitten, part Pit Bull, part Chinchilla, part Pigeon, part Librarian, part Werewolf, part Doll. She would even stand eventually being prototyped with Speed Beast, and Dragon, and Fiduspawn. Though a queen is a vain creature, she is also sworn to her duty. She would be braced for the heavy load of augmentation ahead. However, there was one corruption to her figure she could not abide. Her vanity would not allow it. She could not stand bearing the visage of the most loathsome creature known to exist, the Salamander. She removed the ring and concealed it in the ROYAL VAULT. She then retired to her private chamber from which she would dispatch orders, no one the wiser of her disadvantage. Or so she thought.

  


  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid.  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Witch of Life  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☺ Page of Breath  
Heir of Void ♤---☹ Maid of Time  
Heir of Void ☹---♡ Page of Breath  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---☺ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ☺---♤ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ☹---♡ Page of Breath

  
The Thief of Light is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. You are definitely blaming the Bard of Rage, somehow.  The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Thief of Light switches the hats of all of the Dersite high ranking officials. The Thief of Light doesn't even seem to know what's going on themselves.

  
The Page of Breath and the Bard of Rage do quests in the Land of Sand and Zephyr, partnering with a local consort hero to do great deeds and slay evil foes. The Bard of Rage spends a great deal of time shit talking about the other players. The Bard of Rage is flustered around the Page of Breath. Werewolfsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The corruption is spreading. The Bard of Rage does quests in the Land of Mirth and Tents, baiting various enemies into traps for an easy victory. Pit Bullsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The RoboMaid of Time does quests in the Land of Quartz and Melody, cheating at obstacle course time trials to get a finishing value of exactly 0.0 seconds. Pigeonsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, learning of the systemic corruption in the local consort's justice system. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, learning about the lore and learning to really hate the entire concept of Beats. 

  
The Prince of Hope enters the game tenth. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Speed Beast pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Genocide and History. Their chat handle is caligulasAquarium. They appear to be destined for greatness. They are enthused about the Land of Wrath and Angels. They are Totally In Love with the Heir of Void. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Speed Beast. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Speed Beast.  


  
WV distributes hastily scrawled parking ticket pamphlets decrying the Royals as 'Total Jerks Bluh Bluh’, much to the ire of the Dersite Parking Authority.

  
The Rogue of Heart performs a daring assassination mission against one of the Black Queen's agents, losing her a valuable ally. 

  


  
The Prince of Hope performs a daring assassination mission against one of the Black Queen's agents, losing her a valuable ally. 

  
In a shocking turn of events, Jack Noir claims the Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD. It's not hard at all to get his Crew to pull off a heist to get the RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD. He easily defeats the weakened queen while he's at it. You'd think this would be no worse than having the Black Queen around, but Jack is kind of a big deal. He immediately decides to show everybody his stabs. 

  
  


  
The Page of Breath is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Their consorts seem pretty happy, though.  The Heir of Void is throwing a birthday party for the local consorts. The Heir of Void is sneaking around underneath the only cardboard box in all of Paradox Space.

 

The RoboMaid of Time (163 hp, 55 power) initiates a strife with the Hephaestus Minion. Pigeonsprite (50 hp, 1 power) joins them!  


The RoboMaid of Time (163 hp, 55 power) targets the Hephaestus Minion (50 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Hephaestus Minion (-5 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Hephaestus Minion is dead.

  
The Sylph of Space does quests at LORAF, paradox cloning a variety of frogs, after making a serious note to mess with them later. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, rooting out corrupt consort officials, and exposing their underling backers. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. 

  


The RoboMaid of Time skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: CALLOUSED TENDERFOOT and earns 901 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  
The Witch of Life enters the game eleventh. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a Dragon pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Animals and Social Justice. Their chat handle is cuttlefishCuller. They appear to be destined for greatness. They are obviously pleased with Land of Dew and Glass. They are Totally In Love with the Page of Breath. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the Dragon. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the Dragon.  


  
There were some hitches in the plan, and the Black Queen is now a corpse rather than an exile. She doesn't even have her RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD to destroy. Whatever. You exile her corpse anyways. NEVER turn your back on the body. 

  
WV gives talks to a random carapacian boy, demanding he support democracy.

  
Jack has found the dream self of the Thief of Light. He shows the sleeping body his stabs. The dream self is no longer available for revival shenanigans. 

  


  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid.  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ♤---☹ Maid of Time  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---☺ Mage of Doom  
Rogue of Heart ☹---♡ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Page of Breath ☺---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Their consorts seem pretty happy, though.  The Heir of Void is passing out banned orange fruits that may or may not exist to hungry local consorts. The Heir of Void is badly disguised as a consort.

  
The Prince of Hope and the Seer of Mind do quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, destroying enemies thoroughly. The Seer of Mind is doing a kickass job of helping the Prince of Hope. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Thief of Light and the Witch of Life do quests in the Land of Maps and Treasure, researching way too much lore and minutia to win at trivia contests. Dollsprite stares creepily. It never moves when you're watching it. It's basically the worst, and that's all there is to say on that topic. The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do quests in the Land of Quartz and Melody, protecting various consorts with game powers. Partnering up with your own time clones sure is efficient. Pigeonsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Witch of Life does quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, healing a seemingly endless parade of stricken consorts. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, setting up a self-sufficient consort justice system. Kittensprite is kind of helpful? Maybe? You can't tell if it loves their player or hates them. They finally finished off all the main quests on Land of Thought and Flow. They should be ready to face their Denizen. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, playing minigames and solving puzzles. 

  


The Seer of Mind skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: RASCALSPRAT and earns 942 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  
A Maid of Time suddenly warps in from the future. They come with a dire warning of a doomed timeline. They dropkick the Fiduspawn out of the way and jump into the Mage of Doom's kernel sprite instead.  
  
The Mage of Doom enters the game twelfth. They manage to prototype their kernel sprite with a RoboMaid of Time pre-entry. They have many INTERESTS, including Hacking and Programming. Their chat handle is twinArmageddons. They stare with trepidation at the Land of Brains and Fire. They are Totally In Love with the Knight of Blood. The Black Queen's RING OF ORBS TWELVEFOLD grows stronger from prototyping the RoboMaid of Time. The Black King's SCEPTER grows stronger from prototyping the RoboMaid of Time.  


  
WV is distracted planning the civil infrastructure of a city, rather than recruiting for his army.

  
Jack has found the dream self of the Knight of Blood. He shows the sleeping body his stabs. The dream self is no longer available for revival shenanigans. 

  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid.  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ♤---☹ Maid of Time  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---☺ Mage of Doom  
Rogue of Heart ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Page of Breath ☺---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Their consorts seem pretty happy, though.  The Heir of Void is encouraging local consorts to form secret societies around household items. The Heir of Void is badly disguised as a carapacian.

  
The Prince of Hope does quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, learning to grow as a person, despite the holes in their personality. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Sylph of Space and the Knight of Blood do quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, combining paradox slime from multiple frogs together to make paradox offspring. The Knight of Blood spends a great deal of time helping the Sylph of Space out with their relationship drama. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Thief of Light does quests in the Land of Maps and Treasure, explaining how to play a mini game to particularly stupid consorts until they finally get it. Dollsprite stares creepily. It never moves when you're watching it. It's basically the worst, and that's all there is to say on that topic. The Bard of Rage does quests in the Land of Mirth and Tents, figuring out increasingly illogical puzzles until lateral thinking becomes second nature. Pit Bullsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The RoboMaid of Time does quests at LOQAM, searching through time for an unbroken legendary piece of shit weapon. Pigeonsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Witch of Life and the Seer of Mind do quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, finding and rescuing consort children trapped in a burning building. The Seer of Mind is doing a kickass job of helping the Witch of Life. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, learning about the lore and shitting on adventure game tropes and just using a cheat code. 

  


The Seer of Mind skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BALANCE RUMBLER and earns 964 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  
WV trains other carapacians in the art of forward attacks. They are the best pawn. It is them. 

  
Jack has caught the Bard of Rage and Pit Bullsprite and Page of Breath and Werewolfsprite. Will he show them his stabs? Strife!  


The Crowned Jack (1023 hp, 1013 power) targets the Pit Bullsprite (50 hp, 50 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Pit Bullsprite (-1975 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Bard of Rage (271 hp, 57 power) targets the Crowned Jack (1023 hp, 1013 power). A hit! Shit. The Page of Breath (56 hp, 60 power) doesn't know what to do. They don't want to die... Before they can decide whether or not to abscond Crowned Jack (966 hp, 1004 power) blocks their escape route. Can't abscond, bro. The Page of Breath (56 hp, 60 power) targets the Crowned Jack (966 hp, 1004 power). The Page of Breath (56 hp, 60 power) practically appears to be standing still as they clumsily lunge towards the Crowned Jack (966 hp, 1004 power). They miss so hard the Crowned Jack (966 hp, 1004 power) has plenty of time to get a counterattack in. The Page of Breath's Corpse (-948 hp, 60 power) is dead. The Werewolfsprite (300 hp, 250 power) targets the Crowned Jack (966 hp, 1004 power). A hit!

The Crowned Jack (716 hp, 1004 power) targets the Werewolfsprite (300 hp, 250 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Werewolfsprite (-1707 hp, 250 power) is dead. The Bard of Rage (271 hp, 57 power) targets the Crowned Jack (716 hp, 1004 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.

The Crowned Jack (688 hp, 1004 power) targets the Bard of Rage (271 hp, 57 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Bard of Rage's Corpse (-1736 hp, 57 power) is dead.

The strife is over. The players are dead.  
  


  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid.  
Knight of Blood ☹---♤ Page of Breath  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ♤---☹ Maid of Time  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---☺ Mage of Doom  
Rogue of Heart ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Page of Breath ☺---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope

  
The Page of Breath isn't responding to chat messages much anymore. 

  
The Prince of Hope is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about their dead friend, the Page of Breath to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. The RoboMaid of Time is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about their dead friend, the Page of Breath to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. The Seer of Mind is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about their dead friend, the Bard of Rage to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. 

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Heir of Void sabotages several official portraits of the Black Queen. The Heir of Void is sneaking around underneath the only cardboard box in all of Paradox Space.

  
The Sylph of Space and the Knight of Blood do quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, listening to the ridiculously similar croaks of cloned frogs to figure out where their flaws are. The Knight of Blood spends a great deal of time helping the Sylph of Space out with their relationship drama. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Thief of Light and the Witch of Life do quests in the Land of Maps and Treasure, researching way too much lore and minutia to win at trivia contests. Dollsprite stares creepily. It never moves when you're watching it. It's basically the worst, and that's all there is to say on that topic. The Mage of Doom does quests at LOBAF, learning to silence their Mage Senses long enough to not go insane. RoboMaid of Timesprite used to be a Player like you, until they took a splinter to the timeline, so they know how all this shit works. Super helpful. The Witch of Life does quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, finding and rescuing consort children trapped in a burning building. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. 

  
  
  
The Rogue of Heart, as a member of the royalty of Derse, administers the universal remedy for the unawakened to the Bard of Rage's Corpse. Their dream self takes over on Prospit. The Witch of Life, as a member of the royalty of Derse, administers the universal remedy for the unawakened to the Mildly Grim Dark Page of Breath's Corpse. Their dream self takes over on Prospit. 2X CORPSEMOOCH COMBO!!!  


  
WV gives rousing speeches to Dersites, listing every crime the King and Queen have commited against their own people. 

  
Jack has caught the Knight of Blood and Speed Beastsprite and Thief of Light and Dollsprite and Rogue of Heart and Librariansprite. Will he show them his stabs? Strife!  


The Crowned Jack (688 hp, 999 power) targets the Librariansprite (50 hp, 20 power). A hit! The Librariansprite (-948 hp, 20 power) is dead. The Knight of Blood (258 hp, 3 power) targets the Crowned Jack (688 hp, 999 power). The Knight of Blood (258 hp, 3 power) practically appears to be standing still as they clumsily lunge towards the Crowned Jack (688 hp, 999 power). They miss so hard the Crowned Jack (688 hp, 999 power) has plenty of time to get a counterattack in. The Knight of Blood's Corpse (-741 hp, 3 power) is dead. The Speed Beastsprite (50 hp, 30 power) targets the Crowned Jack (688 hp, 999 power). A hit! The Thief of Light (125 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (658 hp, 999 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital. The Dollsprite (300 hp, 250 power) targets the Crowned Jack (633 hp, 999 power). The Dollsprite (300 hp, 250 power) practically appears to be standing still as they clumsily lunge towards the Crowned Jack (633 hp, 999 power). They miss so hard the Crowned Jack (633 hp, 999 power) has plenty of time to get a counterattack in. The Dollsprite (-698 hp, 250 power) is dead. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (633 hp, 999 power). The attack misses completely after an unlucky distraction.

The Crowned Jack (633 hp, 999 power) targets the Speed Beastsprite (50 hp, 30 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Speed Beastsprite (-1947 hp, 30 power) is dead. The Thief of Light (125 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (633 hp, 999 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (608 hp, 999 power). A hit!

The Crowned Jack (558 hp, 999 power) targets the Thief of Light (125 hp, 50 power). A hit! The Thief of Light's Corpse (-874 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (558 hp, 999 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.

The Crowned Jack (533 hp, 999 power) targets the Thief of Light's Corpse (-874 hp, 50 power). Apparently their corpse sure is distracting? How luuuuuuuucky for the remaining players! A hit! The Thief of Light's Corpse (-1872 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (533 hp, 999 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.

The Crowned Jack (508 hp, 999 power) targets the Thief of Light's Corpse (-1872 hp, 50 power). Apparently their corpse sure is distracting? How luuuuuuuucky for the remaining players! A hit! The Thief of Light's Corpse (-2871 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (508 hp, 999 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.

The Crowned Jack (483 hp, 999 power) targets the Thief of Light's Corpse (-2871 hp, 50 power). Apparently their corpse sure is distracting? How luuuuuuuucky for the remaining players! A hit! The Thief of Light's Corpse (-3869 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (483 hp, 999 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.

The Crowned Jack (458 hp, 999 power) targets the Thief of Light's Corpse (-3869 hp, 50 power). Apparently their corpse sure is distracting? How luuuuuuuucky for the remaining players! The attack manages to not hit anything too vital. The Thief of Light's Corpse (-4368 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (458 hp, 999 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.  
The Sylph of Space (145 hp, 48 power) has joined the Strife!!!

The Crowned Jack (433 hp, 999 power) targets the Thief of Light's Corpse (-4368 hp, 50 power). Apparently their corpse sure is distracting? How luuuuuuuucky for the remaining players! A hit! The Thief of Light's Corpse (-5367 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power) targets the Crowned Jack (433 hp, 999 power). A hit! The Sylph of Space (145 hp, 48 power) targets the Crowned Jack (383 hp, 999 power). A hit!

The Crowned Jack (335 hp, 999 power) targets the Rogue of Heart (332 hp, 50 power). A hit! The Rogue of Heart's Corpse (-667 hp, 50 power) is dead. The Sylph of Space (145 hp, 48 power) targets the Crowned Jack (335 hp, 999 power). A hit!

The Crowned Jack (287 hp, 999 power) targets the Sylph of Space (145 hp, 48 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Sylph of Space's Corpse (-1852 hp, 48 power) is dead.

The strife is over. The players are dead.  
  


  
  


  
The Rogue of Heart's Corpse is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Heir of Void sets up various pranks and traps around Derse. The Heir of Void is holding up a sign saying 'You don't see me!'. 

  
The Dream Bard of Rage does quests in the Land of Mirth and Tents, dealing with the most annoying dungeon challenges ever, each more irritating and aneurysm inducing than the last. 

  


The Dream Bard of Rage skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NIPPER CADET and earns 931 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Heir of Void skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NIPPER CADET and earns 897 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Sylph of Space's Corpse skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: RASCALSPRAT and earns 745 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  
  
  
The Heir of Void, as a member of the royalty of Derse, administers the universal remedy for the unawakened to the Rogue of Heart's Corpse. Their dream self takes over on Derse. The Dream Bard of Rage, as a member of the royalty of Prospit, administers the universal remedy for the unawakened to the Sylph of Space's Corpse. Their dream self takes over on Prospit. 2X CORPSEMOOCH COMBO!!!  


  
WV trains other carapacians in the art of forward attacks. They are the best pawn. It is them. 

  
Jack has caught the Bard of Rage and Pit Bullsprite and Page of Breath and Werewolfsprite and Rogue of Heart and Librariansprite and Seer of Mind and Kittensprite. Will he show them his stabs? Strife!  


The Crowned Jack (287 hp, 994 power) targets the Kittensprite (50 hp, 20 power). A hit! The Kittensprite (-943 hp, 20 power) is dead. The Dream Bard of Rage (291 hp, 59 power) targets the Crowned Jack (287 hp, 994 power). A hit! Shit. The Dream Page of Breath (76 hp, 51 power) doesn't know what to do. They don't want to die... Before they can decide whether or not to abscond Crowned Jack (228 hp, 994 power) blocks their escape route. Can't abscond, bro. The Dream Page of Breath (76 hp, 51 power) targets the Crowned Jack (228 hp, 994 power). The Crowned Jack (228 hp, 994 power) dodges the attack completely. The Dream Rogue of Heart (352 hp, 52 power) targets the Crowned Jack (228 hp, 994 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital. The Seer of Mind (323 hp, 63 power) targets the Crowned Jack (202 hp, 994 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.

The Crowned Jack (170 hp, 994 power) targets the Dream Page of Breath (76 hp, 51 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Dream Page of Breath's Corpse (-1911 hp, 51 power) is dead. The Dream Bard of Rage (291 hp, 59 power) targets the Crowned Jack (170 hp, 994 power). A hit! The Dream Rogue of Heart (352 hp, 52 power) targets the Crowned Jack (111 hp, 994 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital. The Seer of Mind (323 hp, 63 power) targets the Crowned Jack (85 hp, 994 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital.

 

The Crowned Jack (54 hp, 994 power) has had enough of this bullshit. They just fucking leave.  


  
  
The Dream Rogue of Heart used to think that the Knight of Blood's Corpse was dangerous, but now they can't help but think they are dangerous.It's hard for the Dream Rogue of Heart to care that they died.

  
The Dream Rogue of Heart is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
Dream Page of Breath's Corpse was always destined to take a Legendary Nap, and upon waking, become a God Tier. Upon a wacky series of events leaving their corpse on their SACRIFICIAL SLAB on Prospit, the Dream Page of Breath's Corpse glows and ascends to the God Tiers with a sweet new outfit. They are now extremely powerful. Everyone fails to ignore the Page's outfit.  


  


  
WV gives rousing speeches to Prospitians, emphasizing that they share the same goal. 

  
Jack has found the dream self of the Prince of Hope. He shows the sleeping body his stabs. The dream self is no longer available for revival shenanigans. 

  
The God Tier Page of Breath is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Their consorts seem pretty happy, though.  The Heir of Void is reenacting tear jerking scenes from classic cinema with local consorts. The Heir of Void is holding up a sign saying 'You don't see me!'. 

  
The Dream Sylph of Space does quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, paradox cloning a variety of frogs, after making a serious note to mess with them later. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Dream Bard of Rage does quests at LOMAT, watching as their manipulations result in consorts rising up to defeat imps. 

  


  
WV gives rousing speeches to Prospitians, emphasizing that they share the same goal. 

  
Jack has caught the Maid of Time and Pigeonsprite and Prince of Hope and Speed Beastsprite and Page of Breath and Werewolfsprite. Will he show them his stabs? Strife!  


The Crowned Jack (54 hp, 994 power) targets the Pigeonsprite (50 hp, 1 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Pigeonsprite (-1937 hp, 1 power) is dead. The RoboMaid of Time (233 hp, 64 power) targets the Crowned Jack (54 hp, 994 power). A hit! The Crowned Jack (-10 hp, 994 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Jack is dead.

  
  
  
  


  
The Dream Sylph of Space is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
The Dream Bard of Rage is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Dream Bard of Rage sabotages several official portraits of the Black Queen. The Dream Bard of Rage can't seem to stop laughing.

  


The RoboMaid of Time skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: SCURRYWART SERVANT and earns 15 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The God Tier Page of Breath skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: RASCALSPRAT and earns 7 BOONBONDS. 

  
  


The Prince of Hope skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: RUMPUS BUSTER and earns 66 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


  
WV is distracted planning the civil infrastructure of a city, rather than recruiting for his army.

  
  
  


 

The Dream Sylph of Space (155 hp, 51 power) initiates a strife with the Echidna Minion. Salamandersprite (50 hp, 20 power) joins them!  


The Dream Sylph of Space (155 hp, 51 power) targets the Echidna Minion (50 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Echidna Minion (-1 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Echidna Minion is dead.

  
The Seer of Mind initiates a strife with their denizen, Janus.  


The Seer of Mind (323 hp, 43 power) targets the Janus (100 hp, 100 power). A hit! The Janus (57 hp, 100 power) targets the Seer of Mind (323 hp, 43 power). A hit!

The Seer of Mind (223 hp, 43 power) targets the Janus (57 hp, 100 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital. The Janus (35 hp, 100 power) targets the Seer of Mind (223 hp, 43 power). A hit!

The Seer of Mind (123 hp, 43 power) targets the Janus (35 hp, 100 power). A hit! The Janus (-8 hp, 100 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Janus is dead.

  


The Seer of Mind skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NESTING NEWB and earns 25 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Dream Sylph of Space skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BRITCHES RIPPER and earns 819 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  


  
WV is distracted planning the civil infrastructure of a city, rather than recruiting for his army.

  
  
The Dream Rogue of Heart used to think that the Thief of Light's Corpse was dangerous, but now they can't help but think they are dangerous.It's hard for the Dream Rogue of Heart to care that they died.  


  
The Dream Bard of Rage is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about they just freaking died to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. Their freakout level is getting dangerously high. 

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Heir of Void breaks all the lights in the throne room. The Heir of Void is sneaking around like a cartoon burglar.

  
The Prince of Hope does quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, performing bullshit acts of faith, like walking across invisible bridges. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Dream Sylph of Space does quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, trying to figure out why the Forge is unlit. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! 

  


The Prince of Hope skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: RASCALSPRAT and earns 40 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


  
WV flips the fuck out and starts distributing free TAB soda to anyone who joins his army. 

  
  


  
The Dream Bard of Rage is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about how they seem to be going shithive maggots for no goddamned reason to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. Their freakout level is getting dangerously high. 

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Everybody seems to be pretty pissed at them, though.  The Heir of Void is badly disguised as a consort.

 

The Prince of Hope (211 hp, 71 power) initiates a strife with the Abraxas Minion. Speed Beastsprite (50 hp, 30 power) joins them!  


The Prince of Hope (211 hp, 71 power) targets the Abraxas Minion (50 hp, 75 power). A hit! The Abraxas Minion (-21 hp, 75 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Abraxas Minion is dead.

  
The Mage of Doom does quests in the Land of Brains and Fire, obnoxiously memorizing the rules of a minigame, and then blatantly abusing them to achieve an otherwise impossible victory. RoboMaid of Timesprite used to be a Player like you, until they took a splinter to the timeline, so they know how all this shit works. Super helpful. The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, casting their sight around the land to find the causes of their land’s devastation. 

  


The Heir of Void skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: ENEMY #1 and earns 948 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Prince of Hope skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: GADABOUT PIPSQUEAK and earns 42 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


  
WV arranges a military training session with carapacians on both sides of the War, raising their confidence for the upcoming battle. 

  


  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Heir of Void switches the hats of all of the Dersite high ranking officials. The Heir of Void is holding up a sign saying 'You don't see me!'. 

 

The Dream Bard of Rage (321 hp, 62 power) initiates a strife with the Bacchus Minion.  


The Dream Bard of Rage (321 hp, 62 power) targets the Bacchus Minion (50 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Bacchus Minion (-12 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Bacchus Minion is dead.

  
The Prince of Hope and the Seer of Mind do quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, learning to grow as a person, despite the holes in their personality. The Seer of Mind is doing a kickass job of helping the Prince of Hope. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Dream Sylph of Space does quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, clearing various bullshit obstacles to lighting the Forge. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Mage of Doom does quests in the Land of Brains and Fire, performing increasingly complex alchemy for demanding, moody consorts. RoboMaid of Timesprite used to be a Player like you, until they took a splinter to the timeline, so they know how all this shit works. Super helpful. 

  


The Dream Bard of Rage skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NIPPER CADET and earns 977 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  


  
WV is distracted eating green objects rather than recruiting for his army. 

  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Seer of Mind  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind ☹---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind ♤---☹ Rogue of Heart  
Seer of Mind ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Seer of Mind ☹---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind ☺---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ♤---☺ Maid of Time  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---☺ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Rogue of Heart ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The RoboMaid of Time is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about their dead friend, the Thief of Light to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. 

  
The Dream Bard of Rage is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Dream Bard of Rage breaks all the lights in the throne room. The Dream Bard of Rage has a look of utmost concentration.

 

The Heir of Void (451 hp, 65 power) initiates a strife with the Nix. Chinchillasprite (50 hp, 20 power) joins them!  


The Heir of Void (451 hp, 65 power) targets the Nix (50 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Nix (-15 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Nix is dead.

  
The Mage of Doom (238 hp, 48 power) initiates a strife with the Cassandra Minion. RoboMaid of Timesprite (273 hp, 62 power) joins them!  


The Mage of Doom (238 hp, 48 power) targets the Cassandra Minion (25 hp, 25 power). Ouch. That's gonna leave a mark. The Cassandra Minion (-71 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Cassandra Minion is dead.

  
The Witch of Life (314 hp, 50 power) initiates a strife with the Hemera Minion. Dragonsprite (300 hp, 250 power) joins them!  


The Witch of Life (314 hp, 50 power) targets the Hemera Minion (100 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Dragonsprite (300 hp, 250 power) targets the Hemera Minion (50 hp, 25 power). The Dragonsprite (300 hp, 250 power) practically appears to be standing still as they clumsily lunge towards the Hemera Minion (50 hp, 25 power). They miss so hard the Hemera Minion (50 hp, 25 power) has plenty of time to get a counterattack in. The Hemera Minion (50 hp, 25 power) targets the Dragonsprite (275 hp, 250 power). A hit!

The Witch of Life (314 hp, 50 power) targets the Hemera Minion (50 hp, 25 power). The attack manages to not hit anything too vital. The Dragonsprite (250 hp, 250 power) targets the Hemera Minion (25 hp, 25 power). The Dragonsprite (250 hp, 250 power) practically appears to be standing still as they clumsily lunge towards the Hemera Minion (25 hp, 25 power). They miss so hard the Hemera Minion (25 hp, 25 power) has plenty of time to get a counterattack in. The Hemera Minion (25 hp, 25 power) targets the Dragonsprite (225 hp, 250 power). A hit!

The Witch of Life (314 hp, 50 power) targets the Hemera Minion (25 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Hemera Minion (-25 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Hemera Minion is dead.

  
The Prince of Hope does quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, realizing that the consorts real problem is their lack of morale. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Dream Sylph of Space does quests at LORAF, lighting the Forge. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! They finally finished off all the main quests on Land of Rays and Frogs. They should be ready to face their Denizen. The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, navigating the countless possible outcomes of whatever bullhit colour the local consorts want to repaint this temple. Great use of their time!. 

  


The Dream Bard of Rage skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BRITCHES RIPPER and earns 65 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Heir of Void skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NIPPER CADET and earns 70 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Witch of Life skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: PESKY URCHIN and earns 806 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Mage of Doom skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: ALIEN URCHIN and earns 828 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  


  
WV accidentally steals a colossal Derse war machine. Somehow. 

  
The Seer of Mind is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
The Dream Bard of Rage is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about how they seem to be going shithive maggots for no goddamned reason to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. Their freakout level is getting dangerously high. 

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Everybody seems to be pretty happy with them, though.  The Heir of Void is badly disguised as a consort.

 

  
The Dream Sylph of Space cautiously approaches their denizen, Echidna and are presented with The Choice. The Dream Sylph of Space manages to choose correctly, despite the seeming impossibility of the matter. They gain the power they need to acomplish their objectives. 

  
The Prince of Hope and the Witch of Life do quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, inspiring impressionable consorts who then go on to inspire others . Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Mage of Doom does quests at LOBAF, obnoxiously memorizing the rules of a minigame, and then blatantly abusing them to achieve an otherwise impossible victory. RoboMaid of Timesprite used to be a Player like you, until they took a splinter to the timeline, so they know how all this shit works. Super helpful. The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do quests in the Land of Quartz and Melody, realizing that the legendary piece of shit weapon was broken WAY before they got here. Partnering up with your own time clones sure is efficient. The Witch of Life and the RoboMaid of Time do quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, solving puzzles in ways that completely defy expectations. The RoboMaid of Time is doing a kickass job of helping the Witch of Life. The RoboMaid of Time is flustered around the Witch of Life. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, learning the true meaning of Beats and learning to really hate the entire concept of Beats. 

  


The Seer of Mind skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: FRIEND-TO-ALL and earns 10 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Dream Sylph of Space skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NIPPER CADET and earns 22 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Prince of Hope skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: PRINCE HARMING and earns 63 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


  
WV gets distracted writing a constitution for the new democracy. 

  


  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Seer of Mind  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind ☹---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind ♤---☹ Rogue of Heart  
Seer of Mind ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Seer of Mind ☹---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind ☺---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ♤---☺ Maid of Time  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---♡ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The Dream Sylph of Space is currently too busy flipping the fuck out about they just freaking died to be anything but a useless piece of gargbage. Their freakout level is getting dangerously high. 

  
The Dream Bard of Rage is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Dream Bard of Rage steals all the licorice scottie dogs on Derse. The Dream Bard of Rage has a look of utmost concentration.

 

The God Tier Page of Breath (626 hp, 956 power) initiates a strife with the Typheus Minion.  


The God Tier Page of Breath (626 hp, 956 power) targets the Typheus Minion (50 hp, 25 power). A hit! The Typheus Minion (-906 hp, 25 power) is dead.

The fight is over. Typheus Minion is dead.

  
The Heir of Void and the Seer of Mind do quests in the Land of Caves and Silence, ???. The Seer of Mind delights in rubbing how much better they are at the game in the face of the Heir of Void. Chinchillasprite remains physically adorable and mentally idiotic. Gigglysnort hideytalk ahoy. The corruption is spreading. The Prince of Hope does quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, defeating the underling that was causing the local consorts to not believe in themselves. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. They finally finished off all the main quests on Land of Wrath and Angels. They should be ready to face their Denizen. The Witch of Life does quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, defeating an endless array of locust underlings. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. The Seer of Mind does quests in the Land of Thought and Flow, taking a consort under their wing and teaching it the craft of magic. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, learning to really hate the entire concept of Food and learning about the lore. 

  


The Dream Rogue of Heart skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: FRIEND-TO-ALL and earns 830 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The God Tier Page of Breath skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BOY SKYLARK and earns 65 BOONBONDS. 

  
  


  


  
WV arranges a covert series of blinking signals with the help of a firefly. 

  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Seer of Mind  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind ☹---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind ♤---☹ Rogue of Heart  
Seer of Mind ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Seer of Mind ☹---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind ☺---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---♡ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The Seer of Mind isn't responding to chat messages much anymore. 

  
The Dream Bard of Rage is doing something... motherfucking miraculous. It's kind of hard to look away. You get a bad feeling about this.  The Murder Mode Dream Bard of Rage has taken an acrobatic fucking pirouette off the handle and into a giant pile of crazy. You almost wish you hadn't seen this. This is completely terrifying. The Murder Mode Dream Bard of Rage is all up and laughing the whole time.

 

  
The Prince of Hope cautiously approaches their denizen, Abraxas and are presented with The Choice. The Prince of Hope manages to choose correctly, despite the seeming impossibility of the matter. They gain the power they need to acomplish their objectives. 

  
The Dream Sylph of Space does quests at LORAF, making sure they don't accidentally clone a toad instead of a frog by mistake. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The God Tier Page of Breath and the Witch of Life do quests in the Land of Sand and Zephyr, delivering mail through a complicated series of pneumatic tubes. The Witch of Life is flustered around the God Tier Page of Breath. The corruption is spreading. The Mage of Doom does quests at LOBAF, listening to consorts relate a doomsday prophecy that will take place soon. RoboMaid of Timesprite used to be a Player like you, until they took a splinter to the timeline, so they know how all this shit works. Super helpful. The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do quests in the Land of Quartz and Melody, alchemizing an unbroken version of the legendary piece of shit weapon to pawn off as the real thing to Hephaestus. Partnering up with your own time clones sure is efficient. They finally finished off all the main quests on Land of Quartz and Melody. They should be ready to face their Denizen. The Witch of Life does quests at LODAG, realizing that Hemera is somehow spawning the endless hoard of locust underlings . Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, delving into dungeons and playing minigames. 

  


The Prince of Hope skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BRITCHES RIPPER and earns 60 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Witch of Life skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NIPPER CADET and earns 927 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Mage of Doom skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: GRITTY MIDGET and earns 798 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


  


  
WV is distracted planning the civil infrastructure of a city, rather than recruiting for his army.

  


  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Seer of Mind  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ♤---♡ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Sylph of Space ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The Murder Mode Dream Bard of Rage can't find anybody they hate enough to murder. They calm down a little. 

  
The Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Why is the denizen Nix bellowing so loudly on LOCAS? That didn't sound good...  The Heir of Void is fighting Nix. It is bloody, brutal and short. The Heir of Void lies dead on the ground.  
The Heir of Void's Corpse is sneaking around like a cartoon burglar.

 

  
The RoboMaid of Time cautiously approaches their denizen, Hephaestus and are presented with The Choice. The RoboMaid of Time manages to choose correctly, despite the seeming impossibility of the matter. They gain the power they need to acomplish their objectives. 

  
The Prince of Hope does quests at LOWAA, learning ancient chants and forgotten mythos of their lands strange almost-religion. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Dream Sylph of Space does quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, stoking the forge and preparing to create a new universe. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The God Tier Page of Breath and the Witch of Life do quests in the Land of Sand and Zephyr, realizing that Typheus has thoroughly clogged up the pneumatic system. The Witch of Life is flustered around the God Tier Page of Breath. The corruption is spreading. The Witch of Life does quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, preventing the next generation of locust underlings, thus ending the consort famine. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. They finally finished off all the main quests on Land of Dew and Glass. They should be ready to face their Denizen. 

  


The RoboMaid of Time skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BRAVESPROUT and earns 21 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  
  
The Prince of Hope, as a member of the royalty of Derse, administers the universal remedy for the unawakened to the Heir of Void's Corpse. Their dream self takes over on Derse. 

  
WV distributes hastily scrawled parking ticket pamphlets decrying the Royals as 'Total Jerks Bluh Bluh’, much to the ire of the Dersite Parking Authority.

  
The Mildly Grim Dark Seer of Mind is trying to break SBURB itself. They search for the game disk for SBURB itself. Luckily, they kind of suck at this game. 

  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ☹---♡ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Sylph of Space ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The Prince of Hope is starting to seem a little strange. They sure do like talking about Horrorterrors!

  
The Murder Mode Dream Bard of Rage can't find anybody they hate enough to murder. They calm down a little. 

 

  
The Witch of Life cautiously approaches their denizen, Hemera and are presented with The Choice. The Witch of Life manages to choose correctly, despite the seeming impossibility of the matter. They gain the power they need to acomplish their objectives. 

  
The Dream Sylph of Space does quests at LORAF, stoking the forge and preparing to create a new universe. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The God Tier Page of Breath and the RoboMaid of Time do quests in the Land of Sand and Zephyr, trying to manually unclog the pneumatic system. The RoboMaid of Time is doing a kickass job of helping the God Tier Page of Breath. The RoboMaid of Time is flustered around the God Tier Page of Breath. The corruption is spreading. The Mage of Doom does quests in the Land of Brains and Fire, realizing technicalities in the doomsday prophecy that would allow it to take place but NOT doom everyone. RoboMaid of Timesprite used to be a Player like you, until they took a splinter to the timeline, so they know how all this shit works. Super helpful. The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do quests in the Land of Quartz and Melody, empowering an army of consorts to clean out the last of the debris from their Denizen. Partnering up with your own time clones sure is efficient. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, learning to really hate the entire concept of Beats and killing underlings. 

  


The Witch of Life skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: BRAVESPROUT and earns 35 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


  
WV is distracted fantasizing about how great of a mayor he will be. 

  
The Mildly Grim Dark Seer of Mind is trying to break SBURB itself. They try to destroy a temple meant to help them with their Quests. Luckily, they kind of suck at this game. 

  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ☺---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ☹---♡ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Sylph of Space ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The Murder Mode Dream Bard of Rage can't find anybody they hate enough to murder. They calm down a little. 

  
The Dream Heir of Void should probably be flipping the fuck out about they just freaking died and being completely useless, but somehow the thought that the Prince of Hope is still alive fills them with determination, instead. The God Tier Page of Breath should probably be flipping the fuck out about they just freaking died and being completely useless, but somehow the thought that the Prince of Hope is still alive fills them with determination, instead.

  
The Dream Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. The Dersites sure seem to be mad at them, though.  The Dream Heir of Void sets up various pranks and traps around Derse. The Dream Heir of Void is hiding very obviously behind that lamppost.

  
The Prince of Hope does quests in the Land of Wrath and Angels, winning an argument with gravity. Speed Beastsprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be juuuust barely helpful. The Witch of Life does quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, using Hermera’s lair to breed thousands of pollinating insects. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. 

The Mage of Doom gains valuable wisdom from the dead player. Their power grows much more quickly than merely doing quests.  


  
The RoboMaid of Time does random bullshit sidequests at LOQAM, killing underlings and shitting on adventure game tropes and just using a cheat code. 

  


The Dream Rogue of Heart skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: PESKY URCHIN and earns 916 BOONDOLLARS. 

  
  


The Prince of Hope skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: NERDY NOODLER and earns 42 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Witch of Life skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: FRIEND COLLECTOR and earns 50 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Mage of Doom skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: CLANKER CURMUDGEON and earns 13 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


  
WV trains other carapacians in the art of forward attacks. They are the best pawn. It is them. 

  
The Mildly Grim Dark Seer of Mind is trying to break SBURB itself. They begin asking the local consorts VERY uncomfortable questsions. Luckily, they kind of suck at this game. 

  


  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♤---☺ Seer of Mind  
Knight of Blood ♤---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind ☺---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ♡---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ☹---♡ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Sylph of Space ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The Murder Mode Dream Bard of Rage can't find anybody they hate enough to murder. They calm down a little. 

  
The Dream Sylph of Space does quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, alchemizing geothermal power infrastructure for the consort villagers. The local consorts babble excitedly at indoor lightning . Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Mage of Doom and the Witch of Life do quests in the Land of Brains and Fire, narrowly averting the doomsday prophecy through technicalities, seeming coincidence, and a plan so convoluted that at the end of it no one can be sure the plan actually DID anything. The two flirt a bit. The Witch of Life is flustered around the Mage of Doom. RoboMaid of Timesprite used to be a Player like you, until they took a splinter to the timeline, so they know how all this shit works. Super helpful. They finally finished off all the main quests on Land of Brains and Fire. They should be ready to face their Denizen. The RoboMaid of Time and the RoboMaid of Time do quests in the Land of Quartz and Melody, building awesome things way in the past for themselves to find later. Partnering up with your own time clones sure is efficient. The Witch of Life does quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, using Hermera’s lair to breed thousands of pollinating insects. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. 

  
The Prince of Hope does random bullshit sidequests at LOWAA, learning about the lore and getting really fucking sick of Belief. 

  
The RoboMaid of Time does whimsical Derse activities, such as attending dance parties and understanding the nuances of a stab. Oh god, did the Horrorterrors get LOUDER!?

  


  
WV gives rousing speeches to Dersites, listing every crime the King and Queen have commited against their own people. 

  


  
The Rogue of Heart updates their shipping grid. How did this session turn into such a scandalous fuckpile?  
Knight of Blood ♤---☺ Seer of Mind  
Knight of Blood ♤---☹ Bard of Rage  
Knight of Blood ♤---☺ Heir of Void  
Knight of Blood ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Thief of Light  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Knight of Blood ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Knight of Blood ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Seer of Mind ☺---♡ Maid of Time  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Thief of Light  
Seer of Mind 0_0---♡ Witch of Life  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Heir of Void  
Bard of Rage ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Bard of Rage ♡---☺ Sylph of Space  
Bard of Rage ♡---☺ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ☺---♤ Rogue of Heart  
Heir of Void ♡---♡ Prince of Hope  
Heir of Void ☹---♡ Mage of Doom  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Page of Breath  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Sylph of Space  
Maid of Time ♡---☹ Witch of Life  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☹ Page of Breath  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Thief of Light  
Rogue of Heart ♤---☺ Sylph of Space  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Prince of Hope  
Page of Breath ☹---♡ Witch of Life  
Thief of Light ♡---☹ Prince of Hope  
Thief of Light ♡---☺ Witch of Life  
Sylph of Space ☺---♡ Mage of Doom  
Prince of Hope ♡---♡ Mage of Doom  
Witch of Life ♡---♡ Mage of Doom

  
The Dream Heir of Void is doing...something. It's kind of hard to see. Everybody seems to be pretty happy with them, though.  The Dream Heir of Void is hiding very obviously behind that lamppost.

  
The Dream Sylph of Space does quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, cleaning up volcanic debris from the Forge. Man that magma is hot. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Witch of Life does quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, using Hermera’s lair to breed thousands of pollinating insects. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. 

The Mage of Doom gains valuable wisdom from the dead player. Their power grows much more quickly than merely doing quests.  


  
The Prince of Hope and the RoboMaid of Time do random bullshit sidequests at LOWAA, getting really fucking sick of Rays and learning to really hate the entire concept of Rays. The corruption is spreading.

  


The RoboMaid of Time skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: ENEMY #1 and earns 37 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


The Mage of Doom skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: WIZARDING TIKE and earns 25 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


  
WV trains other carapacians in the art of forward attacks. They are the best pawn. It is them. 

  
The Mildly Grim Dark Seer of Mind is trying to break SBURB itself. They meet with the Dersites to discuss game destroying options. Luckily, they kind of suck at this game. 

  


  
The Murder Mode Dream Bard of Rage has officially settled their shit. 

 

  
The Mage of Doom cautiously approaches their denizen, Cassandra and are presented with The Choice. The Mage of Doom manages to choose correctly, despite the seeming impossibility of the matter. They gain the power they need to acomplish their objectives. 

  
The Dream Rogue of Heart and the Witch of Life do quests in the Land of Little Cubes and Tea, doing battle with shadow clones that are eventually defeated when you accept them as a part of you. The corruption is spreading. The Dream Sylph of Space does quests in the Land of Rays and Frogs, making sure they don't accidentally clone a toad instead of a frog by mistake. Salamandersprite provides the requisite amount of gigglesnort hideytalk to be fairly useful, AND the underlings seem to go after it first! Bonus! The Witch of Life and the God Tier Page of Breath do quests in the Land of Dew and Glass, breeding a strain of plant that spreads across the planet in seconds. The God Tier Page of Breath gets annoyed with how slow the Witch of Life is being and runs ahead to get aaaaaaaall the levels and experience. At least the Witch of Life has less stuff to do for the their main quests, now. The Witch of Life is flustered around the God Tier Page of Breath. Dragonsprite breathes fire and offers condescending, yet useful advice. The corruption is spreading.

  
What is the Witch of Life doing out near the furthest ring? Oh GOD, what are they DOING!? Oh, wait, never mind. False alarm. Looks like they're just negotiating with the horrorterrors to give players without dreamselves access to the afterlife in Dream Bubbles. Carry on.

  
The Witch of Life does random bullshit sidequests at LODAG, learning the true meaning of Wood and learning about the lore. 

  


The God Tier Page of Breath skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: APPRENTICE ANKLEBITER and earns 62 BOONBONDS. 

  
  


The Mage of Doom skyrockets up the ECHELADDER to a new rung: CALLOUSED TENDERFOOT and earns 66 BOONBUCKS. 

  
  


  


The reckoning has begun. The Black King has defeated his Prospitian counterpart, initiating a meteor storm to destroy Skaia. So. I don't know if YOU know that this was supposed to be a thing, but the Knight of Blood was totally supposed to have taken care of the ectobiology. They didn't. They totally didn't. And now, it turns out that none of the players could have possibly been born in the first place. Textbook case of a doomed timeline. Apparently the Time Player was not on the ball with timeline management. Nothing you can do about it.

GAME OVER.


	2. Misc: The Saga of the Bard of Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a few highlights from the 612 session and it's scratch from while I was debugging.

The Bard of Hope is in love with the Page of Void, who is tragically dead.

  
So the Bard of Hope proceeds to abuse the afterlife to try to flirt with him.  
  
But has better luck with his dancestor instead.

"The God Tier Bard of Hope wanders a shifting and confusing landscape. They think they see a teen ghost version of their ancestor? They must be dreaming. They bond over how smart they both are. The God Tier Bard of Hope feels their determination to beat the game grow. "  
  
And spends the rest of the session akwardly flirting with him.

  


  


* * *

BONUS: The Saga of Sollux:  
  


The Mage of Doom knows how the god tiering mechanic works. They steel their will and prepare to commit a trivial act of self suicide. A frankly ridiculous series of events causes their dying body to fall off the bed. They may have known enough to exploit the God Tiering mechanic, but apparently hadn't taken into account how neurotically SBURB enforces destiny. They are DEAD.  


(those things literally happened back to back. RIP Sollux.)


End file.
